Growing Up, Growing Apart
by Akitore
Summary: Everyday we get older, we learn something new. Everyday we start to grow up, and we'll continue to grow up no matter what. Whether it be together or apart. HikaKao. HikaHaru. Please, Read and Review? ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**A**/**N**: For once, I don't know what to say as an author's note. So, um. Here's another fic for angst (and drama, I guess?) :D

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_Would you say you loved me true like I love you? I don't think you would, especially because I know you love her. Maybe it's just instinct that I know, because, afterall, you are my other half. But everytime you walk away, to be with her, I die a little bit, because... One half without it's other half is just only partly living. It's just barely hanging onto life. You, my identical, the other half of me, when you leave me behind, your half slowly rips off a part of my half, leaving a small tear. You may not feel the pain, because it is what you want, but I feel the pain for the both of us. Doing this enough times, maybe, I'll just barely survive the my own insanity._

. . .

"Kaoru?"

...

"Hey Kaoru!"

...?

"Kaoru, wake up!"

_I don't want to... Ngh_. I groaned, then rolled over in our bed, my face squishing into the pillow.

"Kaoru, get up right now!"

I _turned_ my head, letting one eye slide open while the other was still squished into the pillow. My vision was blurry, I was still very tired. I saw a shape, it was standing infront of me. The shape was a white, slightly cream, color with a patch of red at the top of it.

"Whus wron..."

"I want you to get up. You pushed me on the floor." The voice that spoke was firm and the shape had gotten closer to my face, but the colors changed. There was still that patch of red somewhere at the top, but that cream color was fading and was being replaced with two splotches of gold in the middle. I squinted, trying to get a better look.

_Hikaru. Right._

I sat up, leaning back on left arm, as the other rubbed my eyes. Although rubbing my eyes helped my vision, I still had to squint, I was still seriously tired.

"I-" Yawn, "m sorry, Hikaru. I really didn't mean to. That's what happens, ya know?"

"I slept on the floor. What's wrong with you? Did you have a bad dream or something?"

_No... Yes... No... Both. _I closed my eyes as I shook my head, "No, I didn't." I assumed by the look on my twin's face that he wasn't convinced, but still, it wasn't that big of a deal.. Right?

I reached my arms out, wanting Hikaru to fit right between them. Understanding, my brother sat between them, he wasn't relaxing into them, but at least he was in my arms. Sitting in this position, it was different, we were playing a different part at the moment. Usually, our roles were reversed, and I'd be sitting between his arms, relaxing into them as we enjoyed the presence of each other. Not that we weren't always together.

Wait. That's a lie, we aren't always together. We were, but that was before we met her. I guess I can say she broke through us and decided to expand our world, but I can't say that I didn't want that either. I want both, just Hikaru and I, but our world with other people in it. But I have to decide; I can't have both.

. . .

Ouran Academy. We've been attending ever since preschool, and we've changed a lot since then. We've changed a lot from even two years ago, but still. Ouran is where it ended and began. Where it _will _end and_ will begin. _Any student here, rarely ever make a transfer of school, so they start school here then end school here. They start preschool and end preschool; they begin elemantary school and end elementary school. It is the same to say for middle school and high school. Whatever grade they join Ouran, they end their schooling here, and move on to college, which, in my opinion, isn't exactly a school. Just an option you are welcome to take if you would like to learn more to do better at what you excel at.

Hikaru and I... We let no one close to us, just this one maid. We really liked her; she was honest with us. She told us, no one was ever going to tell us apart and we learned to accept that. We lived on knowing that, which is possibly the reason after that we never felt the need to let others get close to us. That was just until two years ago, we met tono. When we first met him, we thought he was an idiot, but anyone would. He asked us to join this "host club" of his, constantly, and everytime he asked we said no. We told him we would play the game no one could win, the "Which one of us is Hikaru?" game, and if he won, we would join. Who would've thought that after months of trying and random guessing, in the end we did end up joining? Maybe it was the words he said... It doesn't matter. What he said changed our lives to what it was a year ago, and I think I can say for the both of us, we thank him for that.

"Kaoru-kun?"

"Oh, uh, yes?" I was lost in thought again, damnit.

"I was wondering... If- You'd like to join me at a party this weekend, it's okay if you can't go, I'm just, uh.. asking..." A voice spoke, it was soft spoken and slightly hesistant. Like... nervous? I blinked, then looked downward, which was the direction the voice came from. It was a girl with short black hair, and her eyes were a deep charcoal gray. She looked recognizable from being one of our regulars at the host club. What was her name again...? Oh, right. Sakurazuka. Sakurazuka Kimiko.

"I'm sorry, it's not that I wouldn't love to. I would, but-" You'd think it was a date, and I'm not interested. I- "I already have some plans this weekend."

Her eyes lowered, her voice not changing in tone, although, I could see that she was disappointed. I would be disappointed too though, if I was in her shoes. To grab all the courage you had, then to only be disappointed with rejection.. It really does hurt. I watched her as she turned to walk away, she did this fashionably but was stiff.

"Wait, Sakurazuka-san?"

She turned back around to face me, I could tell she was trying hard not to show the disappointment in her facial expression. "Uh... Well, uh..." Hah, I probably sound nervous or something, I just really don't know what to say. "Maybe, uh... Next weekend we could go somewhere?" What am I getting myself into... The girl's face quickly lit up with happiness, both of her eyes sparkling genuinely, to be asked out to replace the date you were rejected for with the person who rejected you, must be a thrill. Must be an added bonus that I'm part of the host club.

"Ah- I- I'd love to! How about we meet at that commoner's park that's by one of my daddy's buildings?"

"Uh, well, I-"

"Oh, wait. You probably don't know where that is, so would you like directions, Kaoru-kun?"

"Sakur-"

"But you probably might not remember them, darn. So, how about we just meet here at the school? Is that fine with you? I hope it is, I really can't think of anywhere else we could meet. Oh! You're also probably wondering what time we should meet! Let's say 2? Or 2:30.. 2 is fine! What do you say?"

She's clearly excited.

"That's fine, we can meet here. Just.. don't tell anyone else, got it?" She nodded, her face being serious, then walked away. I sighed, I couldn't believe I just did that. Ugh.

Taking a seat at my desk, I waited for homeroom to get started. I watched Haruhi and Hikaru walk in together, taking their appropriate seats. Haruhi on my left, then Hikaru on Haruhi's left. I sighed, it's going to happen eventually. Hikaru is going to ask Haruhi for the two of them to be together, and whether she says yes or no, is up to her.

. . .

School was ending for the day, and for the hosts of Ouran our school day hasn't ended yet. I walked with Hikaru by my side on the way to the Third Music Room. I thought Haruhi would tag along, but that girl always has her own agenda. Not that I really care, anyway..

"Hey Kaoru," a voice spoke, the same voice that woke me up this morning. I turned my head as we walked to look at the speaker.

"Yea, Hikaru?"

"You've been out of it today, what's wrong with you, huh? What's on your mind?" His voice sounded straightforward, like he didn't care, but I knew better. I knew that he wouldn't be asking if he really didn't care.

"It's nothing Hikaru, just daydreaming I guess..."

"Nuh uh, tell me what's wrong."

I remained silent, continuing to walk by Hikaru's side. By his side... The place I'd always like to be. Sigh. Reaching my hand out for the door knob, I looked beside me, turning around. Hikaru was a few feet back.

"Kaoru, I'm serious. What's wrong." He actually sounded worried this time, but even so, I'm not gunna say it.

"Nothing Hikaru, now stop worrying. You're starting to sound like me when you go into a daze, haha," I said, walking towards him. Smiling in reassurance I took his left hand in my right, dragging him to the door. He followed, sloppily may I add, as I continued to open the door with my other hand.

"Irasshaimase," A group of voices spoke. The tone was light and relaxing, but what do you expect from the Ouran Host Club? The two of us looked at the group, they were dressed in cosplay. Fruits Basket cosplay.

Tamaki-senpai was dressed in some green kimino, a white fan with a small picture of a dog on it. Kyouya-senpai was dressed like a doctor, the black vest, purple tie, white doctor jacket, and everything. It was best though, his family is part of some sort of medical busniess. Hunny-senpai was dressed up in a deep blue sailor uniform with a headband that gave him bunny ears, and his bunny Usa-chan dressed to match. Mori-senpai was wearing a tight black tank with some chains and piercings on his ears.

I can't really guess the characters though.

"Ah, Hikaru! Kaoru! You're running late! Where's my precious daughter?! What have you done with her?!"

"We didn't do anything with her, tono," Hikaru and I spoke in unison, shrugging.

"Yeah, she usually has her own agenda, don't expect us to be constantly watching her," I said, looking away for a second. Those words sounded a little too heartless, but that's okay. I think...

I walked away, making my leave, wanting Hikaru to follow, but as expected; he didn't. He stood there arguing with that foolish "host king", protecting ourselves from blame. The one thing that he was also protecting, but just for himself, was the fact he'd never do anything to harm Haruhi.

I sighed, making my way to our section of the room where we entertained our guests. My costume was laying on the chair just waiting for someone to put it on. I picked it up, walking over to the changing room. Sliding the curtain open, shut it swiftly behind me. Looking in the mirror, I saw Hikaru. No, that's just me. Hn.. We look too much a like.. and I've never thought it to be a bad thing, but... Now, it's just paining to look in the mirror.

Slipping off the Ouran blazer onto the floor, I looked in the mirror, biting down on my bottom lip. It wasn't hard enough to draw blood, but it left a mark once it was released from my teeth. Sighing once again, I started to untie my tie, throwing it on the floor next to my blazer. I looked down at my shirt, starting with the bottom button and working my way up, I got rid of my shirt, throwing it with the rest of my clothes on the floor.

"Yo, Kaoru! Where the hell are- There you are," He spoke, entering the changing room, smirking.

"I'm changing.."

"Is that such a big deal? I've seen you change before, Kaoru." The person stood behind me wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

"You should get changed, Hikaru," I said, looking at him in the mirror.

"What's wrong huh? You're acting so weird. It really isn't funny." Hikaru unwrapped his arms from around me, putting his hands on my shoulders, turning me around to face him eye to eye.

"I told you, nothing is wrong Hikaru."

Shrugging it off in disbelief, my brother's eyes glinted in irritation before he walked away with his costume.

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**A**/**N**: BLHFTWBLAH. This was originally going to be a oneshot (Kaoru-centric) but then again, it might be better if it was multi-chapter. I promised myself I'd never write another multi-chapter, but maybe I could replace "Because of Caramelldansen" with this one. HENCE (Ahaha) I might delete BoC. ANYWHO.

**All reviews are appreciated, really. I want to know what you think. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm on my knees. I'm shedding tears. I'm begging you to save me. _

. . .

I walked down the large pink halls of the academy, alone to be more specific. I shoved my cold pale hands into the front pockets of my uniform trousers, slouching forward. It hadn't been long since we had entertained all the ladies that had made appointments today, and as far as I'm concerned, I think the hosting day came to a good close. Once it was all over, I changed and darted out of that room. Hikaru- didn't really want to talk to him. He's probably going to make me talk about what's been flowing my brain. If I told him, he'd have a damn cow.

I, his own twin brother, can't tell him that part of my strong love for him is partially on the romantic side with that strong brother connection to it as well. Those feelings have been weighing on me for the past week. It wasn't up until recently I noticed when I woke up in bed with a- Ahem, um, yeah. Just ignore that, but still. Even though they are my own feelings and _because_ they are my own I should be able to control them, but I'm still trying to figure out if I'm okay with all this. After all, this whole time I thought I was heterosexual, not "homo-hitachiin-sexual". Then with the hosting I just was acting, wasn't I? It was all acting. That's what it should've been, at least.

I'm probably the worst actor in the world now.

It's going to be these emotions that will be the death of me.

My walk became a faster walk which became a run, my thoughts were taunting those hidden wants and my acheing loneliness. My hands that were in my pockets left them, and moved with my arms' movements as I ran. Honestly, I didn't think I could run this fast. I bet wouldn't notice me pass, only a breeze would be a felt and even if I was noticed they wouldn't know it's me.

The large, and long, pink hallway seemed to get longer with each step I took. It felt somehow endless, it was really getting on my nerves. I needed to breathe. Breathe that fresh air, take in some healthier oxygen. I began to slow when my name was called, quite thankful that the voice actually wasn't Hikaru.

"Kaoru!"

Oh, wait. It was.

"Kaoru!!"

I turned around, a small smile somehow managed it's way to form on my lips after all that moping I've done. Well, mental acheing and regretting. Hikaru was red in the face as he stopped before me. He looked extrememly winded. His chest heaved in and out as he bent forward leaning on his knees. He's not relying on me to support him anymore, just little by little.

"You just dashed out of the changing room once you were done-" _Huff._ "-Are you sure nothing is wrong?-"_ Gasp. _"-Did I do something wrong to you?" _Huff._

"Let's not talk about me for a second, okay? What about you? You're acting like there's no air here, and you look like someone put you on a hamster wheel and made sure you never stopped going!" I crouched down to where I was eye level at his waist. I looked up at him, staring at his shining golden eyes, the small beads of sweat that rolled down his forehead, and a few locks of his hair sticking to his skin. Some may say it's kind of disgusting, but from the angle I'm looking him from. The view I'm looking at him from. The heart and mental state I'm looking at him from. He couldn't have be any short of beautiful.

"I'm fine," he stood, back straightened. I got back up and stared at my identical, his breathing still seemed slightly hitched but overall it seemed incontrol.

"Hikaru, are you su-"

"Kaoru, you need to tell me what's up. Is there something that you're scared to tell me? You can tell me anything you know that." His eyes sparkled with concern. Just not enough for me to break down and just say, "Hikaru, I love you. It's a lonely feeling when you're chasing after someone else, and it's not me. I'm falling into the firey darkness of hell, and for once you aren't saving me. You say you're always here for me. You say you'll always protect me from everything and anything. You say you'll be my guardian and my saviour. You'll save me," and with bitter tears cry then laugh coldly with my final words I'd smile devilishly saying, "You've always been quite the lier, Hikaru." And walk away? Yeah.

"Yeah, of course." Is my only reply as his concerned expression adapts into something more of a serious worry. He just sighs though, and we walk outside the large pink doors leaving the academy.

. . .

It's been about two a three days since my little run down. My brother, damn him for this, he's been so clingy lately. It was strange, it was hard to shake, I enjoyed the attention, but I can't stand the rambling. He's always talking about that... _girl. _She isn't evil, it's just lately I can't come to enjoy her company anymore. I can't enjoy anything when she's mentioned, sometimes I feel kind of sick at her name.

I rolled around in bed, the silk sheets crumpling ontop of me, covering my bare chest and back. Continuing to roll around, I finally stopped in a position with me laying diagnolly, flat on my stomach, my feet hanging off the side of the bed, and my face in a pillow. Hikaru had left earlier that morning to go do stuff with her, I didn't catch all of it. Didn't really want to hear about his date even though he says it's not a date. All I heard was cooking.

....

Since when did he like to cook? Let alone do any work.

"Nrgh mrf praf opmf hsht," I mumbled, my face still in the cushion. It was all jibberish, I was just tired. Irriated. Alone. Miserable. Things that follow up those adjectives. I kind of felt like a whining baby without a caretaker. A baby wrapped in misery as it's being dropped into the burning flames of hell.

If I could I throw my emotions in a locked safe and throw them into the burning flames of hell.

. . .

_I'm reaching out for you as I fall, but you don't see me. Am I already too far gone?_

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Oh I don't think I mentioned in the last Author's Note that Kimiko Sakurazuka is a REAL character in Ouran. She's a fangirl, and is actually one of... Haruhi's? I think? Or was it Tamaki.... Hell, I don't even remember but she is a character. I hate making up characters so I just decided to use one that's already made. I'd show a picture, but I'm sick and lazy. So, just watch Ouran episodes a couple times and go through the credits, match the name with the voices and you should be good to go! XD Also, apologies for the late update. I hope this chapter will make up for all time lost. It's short, but still. :)

**Please, review!**


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